JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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