So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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