3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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