and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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