Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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