Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize