She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is Oprah even human
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
