Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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