i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
