I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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