Sry I called you an 8
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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