we're chasing vodka with high fives
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize