Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
