Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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