seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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