meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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