dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize