whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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