You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize