babies were throwing up all over the place
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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