dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
