Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I died a long time ago.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize