he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
