he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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