she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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