I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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