well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
