everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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