Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
