I faked an abortion last night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
