Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
