Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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