oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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