He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize