You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
