we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
