If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
