just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
