Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
