I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
