that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
