your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
