In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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