you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
