like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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