I bet he comes in French.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
