I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
