GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
