I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
