Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize