his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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