look no pants
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
