I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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