just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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