My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have post one night stand depression
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
