next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
