It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize