I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize