you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
