i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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