Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I love you.
Bad choice
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
