You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
