My hand turned me down
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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