Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
