Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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