you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
