you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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