Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am naked and annoyed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
