Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
