I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize