the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
