She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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