I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
