just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
