Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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