Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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