shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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