Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
