i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
