I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize