I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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