all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
