I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
