this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
