well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
