hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He shit in the fireplace
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize