If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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