I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
