i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
